Yes, of course I'm happy Manny Pacquiao won his latest title fight against Cotto. If for no other reason than it brings the Filipinos all over the world a day of elation, of solidarity, and nationalistic pride. But frankly, I didn't really care if he won yesterday, because I am slightly pissed one of my shows didn't air on saturday to give way to his HBO special, which meant everyone wouldn't get paid for this week's supposed episode. So yes, I am biased.

And on this latest bit of gossip hounding him (yet again), of course no one is supportive of adultery, but I just find it weird that some people are willing to let it slide because it's Manny. So what if it's Manny?! That is just a great write-off to the sensible women all over the world.

I think we should learn how to separate our admiration for him as a Pinoy boxer and him as a man. As a Pinoy boxer, whether he wins or loses, he's a national icon worthy of our admiration. As a philandering husband and man, not so much.

it is a peculiar thing, having your palm read. it's not so much the same as having your future foretold, but rather a way for someone else to tell you how you are perceived, the kind of life you lead/wish to lead, and basically, things that have been nagging at the tips of your brain cells waiting to be acknowledged. 

the minute i laid my palm out in front of eirik, i knew for a fact that i was in for a large dose of the ugly truth. i don't know how he does it, or how much of it is "real", but the fact of the matter is, i didn't quite like what i heard. not because it was all negative or whatnot; its just because he was telling me things i kinda already knew, but i couldn't really bring myself to stand up for. 

and the troubling part is, i know the things he said will be in my head for years to come, until i finally snap out of it or what he said comes true (whichever comes first).

now, i have to get the wheels going, and whatever happens next, is up to Fate.

 ever since this relationship was borne out of late night talks and catch-me-if-you-can occurrences, i always had something to look forward to: actually catching you, or finding you waiting for me, and the long conversations we would have until the wee hours of the morning that sometimes even stretch into noon the next day. willingly or unwillingly, i have let these moments become the highlight of my day, the thing that urges me to rush home after work, or to keep checking the avenues we have carved for each other in order to stay in touch. 

i knew long distance relationships take work, but i never really realized the fight that goes into it. the fight to stay sane, to stay positive, to stay excited, to keep longing. the fight to keep you, to keep myself, to keep going without any assurance or any set date of when i get to see/hold/be with you again. 

and now, with this pattern that i observe with due diligence, like a prompt schoolgirl who's never late for class, waiting for you and not knowing when you will be there is gut-wrenching. before, whenever i ran out of things to do to pass the time, i simply turn the computer off and find something useful to do. now, i stay on in the hopes that i will find your name there, blinking as if with the same eagerness to see me and talk to me. but as long as your name stays that dull shade of gray, the internet is the loneliest place in the world, still.

 i have lost the upper hand, i think. and now there's no going back, because i've fallen into a pit and i cant raise myself up. but he's at the surface, milling about, looking pitifully at me, as if to say, i never asked you to be this way.

I have finally written you a eulogy.

Stand behind the pulpit.
Clear your throat.
Turn the page.
And let all the words tumble out
Let your r's roll and cross your t's and dot your i's.
Because this is over, you have passed.
But amidst the shambles the clutter the relentless remembrances
You are there. 

Willingly or unwillingly,
you are there.

I notice that my sister---my nephew's mom---is always edgy and testy around the nanny. Whenever her baby cries and the maid fusses over the baby, my sister rushes to the scene, as if she had been there first, before the baby even opened his mouth to cry out. When she changes the diaper and the maid fails to hand her a wet tissue the second she needed it, she lets out a little snap.

I find this peculiar, because the unspoken truth here is, the nanny does what my sister is supposed to be doing except that she has to be at work during the day. Everyone knows of this unspoken reality, including her. The norm is, you bring a baby into the world, you take care of it. The child is both your blessing and your eternal burden. And while you would rather spend your days and hours tending to your child's needs and wants, you also have to earn a living for the small family you've built. So the disparity lies in that, and yet no matter how much it breaks the supposed norm, that in itself has become a modern norm of sorts as well. 

But no matter what transpires between my sister and the nanny, I know they both appreciate each other. My sister, for bringing the baby into the world in the first place and for of course giving the nanny a job; the nanny, for doing what she was tasked with so well, its clear she loves the kid as much as we do. 

**

As far as I can remember, I was raised by a yaya. I cant remember who the first one was, but I remember Ate Ana, the maid who was with us during the tough childhood years. The one who earned the ire of my mom for being so close to our youngest sister, so much so that my sister preferred Ate Ana sometimes over my mom. I developed a fondness for her because being a Bicolana, she always managed to cook up a storm, and we always left the dining table bloated and gleeful. I never really knew how she managed to care for six children while also keeping house. 

A few years later, she decided it was time for her to search for her partner in life, and we had to let her go. My youngest sister cried for days, and refused to be carried by the next yaya, the one that came after her pseudo-mom.

** 

I can't blame my mom though for enlisting outside help to care and raise her kids. Six children is quite an impossible situation, especially if you're constantly needed at work, and sometimes expected to report back at a moment's notice. When I allow myself to imagine what life would be like if I had tykes of my own, I don't know how I can manage to raise a child all by myself. I enjoy giving my nephew a bath, but dressing him up is such a riot. Getting him to fall asleep makes me even more sleepier than him. Feeding him mushy food is nice, but I get bored giving him spoonful after spoonful. Playing with him is the absolute best, but now that he's capable of grabbing hair and biting with force, I panic. And now that I've discovered the way to make him cry instantly, I am tempted to use it against him. haha.

But then, that's in the future. I don't even have to think about that at all these days, and somehow I'm confident that when that day does come, if I can't count on myself, at least I have 4 sisters who can help me. Or worst case scenario, I'm going to have to search for that one girl who can be my partner, the half-me, my representative in my child's life. Such a scary thought.

I haven't been writing much lately, but whether its due to lack of material or laziness or other irrelevant factors, i do not know for sure. But I figured I better get some words out there anyway, no matter if only a handful (if any) still read the crap I throw out into the cosmos.

***



I love hearing mass at the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice in UP Diliman. The church's open air layout puts me in a calmer mood, a much-needed respite after such a stressful week. I specifically enjoy hearing mass at 8:00 at night, primarily due to the priest who gives such insightful sermons that almost always hooks me. I still don't know who he is, but I suspect he's a Jesuit. Looks like your rich classmate's mestizo dad from Ateneo that is too quiet, gives stern looks, but still manages to be approachable. 

Tonight though, I heard the 7PM mass, and even if the priest was different, it was still a good service. Save for the fact that the choir was OLATS, in a major way. Despite my lack of any form of singing prowess, I am of the belief that a choir only has the right to sing in acapella if their harmonies are on the dot, in perfect sync. This particular choir though---and no offense to them, really---had more misses than hits. They started singing a song according to a certain rendition, only to deviate into another version altogether after 3 lines. It's just crazy! Instead of focusing on the mass and what I really came there for, I found myself getting more and more frustrated because of their harebrained attempt at harmonizing. 

Music, for me, is an integral part of the Mass. A lot of people that go to church are lost souls, desperately hanging on to whatever faith they have. So the ceremony then becomes such an emotionally-loaded experience of which sounds and sights are a big part of. When you can't really relate to all things being said, you can hear a song and be transported into so many nooks and crannies of your life's past, present and future and before you know it, you've been touched by an angel (so to speak). 

So to have that choir ruin it for me is really frustrating. I heard there are great choirs out there, but so far, the churches I've been to have so-so ones. But hey, at least they're doing something for other people. Just hope this particular one gets more practice though.

By the way, I went to mass alone again, and while that's great for introspection, not so great for sudden gusts of nippy wind that bring back memories of someone I used to go to mass with. 

When it comes to dealing with heart pangs, there really is no sense in putting it off. I often make the mistake nowadays of believing that I can become a zombie with no feelings, and that every zinger that life sets my way will inevitably bounce back unnoticed, and I, unharmed. But as all individuals made wiser by relationships past, the wise thing to do is confront the pain, and hope against hope that it goes away on its own.

If that isn't the case, there's always the option of listening to depressing songs with warbling vocalists with the sole intention of making your tears leap out from their ducts. Or read a book and lose yourself in the lives and times of fictional people. Or roam around aimlessly on these rained-on streets. Destination: nowhere and everywhere.

The hardest part, I find, is that I don't even know what I want, or what to yearn for. The hardest part is to hang in the balance and not know whether to hang on or to let go, because neither gives you the right kind of leverage, or at least the kind that matters. And then there's dealing with all the hangers-on, the people who feel as though they have been given the right to give a shit when in reality, they don't even count. They ask the questions you only answer when asked by the privileged few. You can't shut them down, because they come to you under the cloak of concern, but really, all you want to do is ask them to please go away.

And as for the one who still occupies that same atrium in your heart, there really is no telling when he/she will finally move on and away from you, and vice versa. At present, that thought sends immediate shivers down your spine (because how can you be so easily replaced?). But it is a thought not worth acknowledging, because you cant stop the wheels of time, especially if you are the one who set them in motion in the first place.

So the only recourse is to stay within the realms of your emotions, keep them in check. And just every so often, in the confines of your dark room and with the howling winds and the torrential rain as your noise blocker, let the tears fall and start to mourn, if you must.

so i guess, without you having to say it, i need to stop caring.

its getting so lonely inside my head.

The song "Fine Time" by the Eraserheads gives me such a hurtful pang in my heart.

So here comes a man named Harvey Milk, which frankly is a name I had never heard of before. And why would I? No one from my corner of the universe had ever brought his name up in any conversation, argumentative or otherwise. But I believe the recent knowledge of this person came at the right time not just for myself, but also for so many individuals all around this world that needed their eyes opened, just a tiny crack more.

The film brings up not just the heavily-laden movement for equal rights for homosexuals, but also the different facets and layers of humanity. To live at a time when you were told that that feeling that you have in your gut that you are different is evil and cause enough for you to feel that the One who created you made a mistake would have been a burden I might not have been strong enough to be able to carry.

I can’t even begin to fathom what it would feel like to be a young girl and to be told that you were sick because you were different. If it is true that in our differences, our individual light shines through, then why do we strive, oftentimes too hard, to pull quickly back into the shadows? Even graver than denying your true self to your own Person is to urge those that are just discovering their own paths to stray once more to even thicker forests of desolation and despair.

I personally liked one of Harvey’s arguments against the bigoted Senator Briggs who said that gay teachers should be fired as they might use their position to “recruit” young kids into their chosen lifestyle. Milk said that if that were the case, then why would a man raised by heterosexuals in a heterosexual society such as him grow up to be gay? Furthermore, he says in slight jest that if that were truly the argument the Senator was going for, then there should be more nuns among us, given the proliferation of religion-driven schools and establishments.

I may never truly understand in this lifetime why a person discovers that his or her heart beats for someone who shares their anatomy. This being the age old argument of Nature versus Nurture, I would like to believe that after meeting so many homosexuals and hearing about that IT moment for them, those two drivers are both legitimate and possible. Either argument may never reach a conclusion, but to me, it may very well be a moot point to debate on the cause or sometimes, even the effect. From what little I may know about life and this world, to me it is just a matter of acceptance. Civil rights is such a complicated and political facet so I dare not touch it, but if it came to that intersect between what is right, wrong, and acceptable, which path would we take? Does there always have to be that ONE person who simply has to put his foot down and declare his views to be etched in stone?

***

It may be a little late in this entry to say this, but I don’t want to be a hypocrite. Whenever a scene that had Sean Penn kissing either James Franco or that crazy Palomino guy, I found myself flinching—just a little. Partly, it had to do with the knowledge that it was Sean Penn. You know, Dead Man Walking? But admittedly, it also had to do with the fact that I was simply not used to seeing this. 99.9% of the movies that I have seen in my 25 years had a man kissing a woman, and that would have sealed both their fates and their happily ever after. But a man kissing another man—frankly, I haven’t seen too much of that yet.

I won’t declare myself completely free of prejudice, and at this point in my life, I won’t blame this on anyone else. I know this is as touchy a subject as they may come, and flak would come in heaps because of what I may have said. But to me, acceptance can sometimes come in increments, but also quickly if you truly desire to be more open-minded and tolerant of each other’s differences. But if you are adamant about not accepting that a man has the right to love another, then that’s your belief. I may not be used to seeing Sean kissing James, but I won’t hurl stones, ridicule or spit at them just because of unfamiliarity.

I’m still unsure about the dynamics of a same-sex parent household, because I haven’t observed or known anyone who came from such a setup. But to be honest, it may be a tricky thing to not have the ‘normal’ family setup, but in my view, a child who grows up feeling loved, cared for, and prized above all else will grow up with confidence and pride within himself. If you love him enough to teach him the right kind of values and bring him up to open his personal sphere to include more people, especially those less-fortunate than him, then he will grow up with unparalleled compassion. And just think: more compassionate people in this world. What a Utopian world that would be.

So I’m really elated that this film came at a time when the world (or at least the more ‘urbanized’ parts of it) is experiencing a shift in their belief systems. With California’s controversial ban on Proposition 8 (and the ongoing fight against it) that is still making headlines across the world, and it seems that those that are for it have made some kind of headway already. I wonder if I will live long enough to see a shift in our ideologies as tectonic as this, but I certainly hope that I can live to see a world where everyone, myself included, will simply be “free to be you and me”.

***

I am no better, and neither are you
We are the same, whatever we do
You love me, you hate me, you know me and then
You can't figure out the bag I'm in
--from “Everyday People”, Sly and the Family Stone
(also in the Milk soundtrack)

Tonight, I revisited a memory. I stood amidst who knows how many students, call center agents stopping over before work, lost souls, black shirt-loving people and who knows what else at the sunken garden. It was a weird experience, to come back.

I say this because though it has only been two years since I had left school to find my own place in the world, it seems like too much of a stretch in time than it really is. Every return henceforth from graduation will always be a rekindling of sorts, and never really just being. To once again pass through the doors which have led me to years of learning (or just simply coasting through thanks to my charms and wiles in hopes of passing); to press my palms against familiar walls, knobs, window panes; to look at faces I have never seen before and yet to see the struggles and joys I went through entirely projected through them—these are the things I find myself watching out for, and for once in my life, nostalgia is no longer a friend.

Without meaning to on his part, C somehow echoed my sentiment with this line: “I feel old”. Though it isn’t the years per se that bother me, it is just the feeling of having every right to be there at your old stomping grounds and yet no longer belonging. I enjoyed—immensely—the experience of watching bands I used to watch at the exact same place a few years back, because by simply bopping along or swaying to the rhythm, I felt lit by a fire that has slowly been creeping towards dying out.

I felt myself wishing that for just a few moments, I could be my old self, where simply bopping or swaying could lead to moving riotously. I don’t see how I can’t do those things anymore; after all I am still so young if I really think about it. But therein lies the crux of this whole meandering pause—it is not age that hinders me from doing whatever I want. It is simply that in those two short years, I have clung on to what should be, and what is comfortable and easy.

Tonight I resolve to think this way: it will never be too late for me. I may have gained a few and lost some too, but those things should not be too much of a hindrance for me to enjoy my life. I may not be able to do the same things I have grown to love, but there’s no reason why I can’t find new things to adore.

As for things that already are, and things that still are in my life, the options are clear: hold fast and steady and never let go, or listen to the quiet sounds and keep my eyes peeled for the path that will lead to the truth. And who knows, if I close my eyes and be still and silent, the gentle nudging of the great scheme of things might just tell me just how to be brave enough to make my own memories.

this takes the cake so far: rap music's four golden sons (as of now): Kanye, Jay-Z, T.I. and Lil Wayne all perform together with extremely pregnant M.I.A (that performance fell on the same day she was due for delivery. coulda popped onstage, really) as the RAP PACK.

i wouldnt affiliate myself as a rap fan too much although i enjoy it quite a bit, and that affection lies solely on the song. i love a good rap tune with a maangas beat that just makes you wanna bop your head, move your feet, your gameface and your swagger on.

love et.

where this is all leading to

just a quick post before i rush off to sleep (at 4:45am):

mystupidthroathurtslikehell.
feels like how a wooden post would feel if a cat kept clawing at it relentlessly for 48 hours. whenever i cough, i keep watching out for my lungs lest they carefully filter out from their recesses and out through my mouth. this has got to be the worst cough of my entire life. pretty obvious with how each cough feels like a bark or the makings of a barf racking through my ribcage and exploding through my larynx/pharynx/whatever.

plus every so often, even if i sit still, my throat jolts. like physically, jolts. the only way i can really describe it is that it feels as though the fibers in my throat twitch inwardly, causing a chain reaction wherein i lose my breath for about half a second and i panic. and then after yet another coughing series, if i try to talk, i find myself gasping for air.

the hypochondriac in me (a very prevalent alter ego) feels as though this could be tonsilitis, though i haven't the faintest clue about the symptoms. or even worse i could have cancer of the lymph nodes or cancer of the throat or something terrible like that. plus i have chronic headaches at night which make me think that my eyes might be telling me it's time to pay the opthalmologist a visit or migraine or something even graver. goodness.

do not forget, my sister is a doctor, but she decided to concentrate on being an anaesthesiologist. so its like whenever this hypochondriac sister tries to get a free diagnosis out of her, it is almost always futile. so unless i wanna be put to sleep or feel no sensation in my entire body, my doctor-sister is useless to me.

helping meh.
*coughouchcough*

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
It's not so much as something I did, rather something that happened to me. First time ko mabangga. Not so pleasant.

Other firsts: hindi mag-race sa Boracay again since nagsimula ako sa Dragonboat, mapasali sa isang noon time show at kumanta ng live on national TV, create a "painting" na iniregalo ko kay Chino nung *nn*v namin. :p

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Wala naman ata akong ginawang resolution last year so I'm safe. Para sa taong 'to, siguro I'll just try to be more active and proactive. Tapos mas tatandaan ko ang mga magagandang nangyayari by diligently keeping a written journal. Be less moody, be more social.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! :) and now we have Javi!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully wala. Although may mga pumanaw na nagpalungkot sa akin, pero maswerte pa rin ako at wala pang ganung dagok. Thanks, Jess.

5. What countries did you visit?
2008, wala. Although ang dami kong narating sa Pilipinas, though mostly Luzon pero masaya pa rin ako. Narating ko ang dulo ng Cagayan, nakasakay ako sa maliit na fishing boat all the way in the middle of the China Sea, at marami pang iba. Too bad nagtapos na yung show na naging susi nun.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More self-discipline, enthusiasm, time management (may ganun), and the desire to do things I believe I should have done by now.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
As vain as it may sound, Nov. 21. Kasi yun nga yung araw na naglaro kami ni Rey sa Eat Bulaga.


Sabi nga ni Chino, we all have our 15 minutes of fame, and maybe that was mine. Shempre si Rey di yun yung kanya, kasi may Bb. Pilipinas pa siyang kine-claim na makukuha niya. Masayang experience rin naman yung makasali sa Sa Pula Sa Puti, lalo pa't nanalo kami. Yun din yung araw na nag-morph ako into Princess Punzalan/Abigail Arenas. Stupid makeup.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Hmm. This is tough. I guess nakaipon ako ng kaunti?

9. What was your biggest failure?
I let myself go a little bit (which I now regret lalo na pag tinitignan ko yung beach pics ko a year ago). ANGYAREH?!! Kain kasi ako nang kain eh tas tinigil ko pa rowing. Demmet.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Salamat naman at hindi.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Ehngh, dinner for my family sa Chili's? At iPod siguro.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My best friend Rochelle. She quit a stable job because she knew she deserved better. Si Filo at Rity, because they both lept into the unknown and moved to Singapore. Si Cabre, because she's staying true to her dream. Si Rey na rin, kasi nag-30 siya at masaya siya. Marami, marami.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A few people from work. Immaterial and irrelevant people, really.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Gas, food, unecessary expenses.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Eraserheads reunion concert & meeting some of them in person, Going on a family trip this year (na plinano nung 2008, so it counts)

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Toss up between Use Somebody and Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? melancholic na lang.
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter :'c
iii. richer or poorer? blessed. :)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
exercise, kain, exercise, kain. READ MORE (and not just sappy teen vampire stuff), write more for pleasure, contemplate heavily before acting, thinking before i speak, defend my rights more than giving way.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
talk on a mega-decibel level. lie to get out of things. regress. deny self-truths. eat cheesy popcorn and drink iced tea.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
hengh. tapos na eh. crazy last minute shopping for gifts on the 23rd and 24th, 25 wala tulog lang.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
still in love kamo. YUN NA YUNEH.

22. How many one-night stands?
waley.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
No B.S., yung show namin. Kasi we worked tirelessly this year to please not just our audience but ourselves. Tapos shempre walang pakundangang Ellen. Guilty pleasure: TMZ.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Di naman hate, super inis lang. Di pa ata sila nage-exist sa stratosphere ko last year pero ngayon para silang umentra ng bonggang-bongga.

26. What was the best book you read?
Recently, "Para Kay B". "Memories of My Melancholy Whores"

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Kings of Leon, Lenka.

28. What did you want and got?
iPod bidyo na bleck.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
shucks di ko masyadong ma-recall ang movies this year, pero isa na siguro yung Ironman. Di ako masyadong nagpaka-poignant this year eh, puro katuwaan lang. Though I wish I saw 100.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Worked, then dinner here at home with a few friends. 24.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
My name as a byline. Or a 4-pack. Or to have written at least ONE really great piece.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Bigla akong nahumaling sa black/white/gray palette. Heels na masakit. Resurgence of Havaianas.

34. What kept you sane?
My family (though they sometimes drive me insane too), Chino (naks), Kuya Jess the omnipotent yet silent supporter.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
CALEB FOLLOWILL.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I would have been living under a rock to not have been stirred by Obama's election. Locally, I guess Teehankee's release?

37. Who did you miss?
Rochie, who SHOULD have been with me as I sat through Twilight. My sisters.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Hmm, hard to say. I guess some people from work (House Life) who make me laugh in spite of the long hours.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
That it never hurts to think that the things you thought were definite have a chance of becoming indefinite. Wrong turns may suck, but it wouldnt hurt to trust in a grander scheme of things.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me

For the longest time, nagko-contemplate ako tungkol sa mararamdaman ko sa bagong taon na to. I was starting to worry dahil dumaan lang ang December; isang literal na tahimik na paglipat ng pahina ng bawat araw, at hindi ko man lang naramdaman ang Pasko, not even with the blessings na dumating sa buhay ko. Kaya naman ngayong nagtapos na 2008, hindi ako mapalagay, dahil feeling ko may kulang o may di ata ako nagawa sa nakaraang taon. Walang "ooomph" ang mga pagbati ko ng Happy New Year sa pamilyang nagpupunas pa ng muta nung New Year's Eve. Ang weird talaga.

Pero gumising ako kahapon at nakaramdam ng kakaibang excitement. Siguro dala na rin ito ng sunud-sunod na masasayang plano at lakad ngayong January pa lang. Merong Cebu, then Bangkok, at who knows where to next! (Feeling jetsetter di pa nga nagaganap).

Tapos sa February, I will come upon the first great milestone of my life (if you're talking about longevity on this planet). Sa 2009, magiging 25 na ko. 25. Hindi ko pa rin maarok kung ano ang ibig sabihin nun, o kung dapat nga ba may ibig sabihin pa 'yun, pero ang gusto ko na lang isipin, quarter life ko na to, and that it doesn't have to feel/be a crisis situation.

Magpa-party rin ba ko dapat? O maging reclusive at pumunta na lang sa isang tahimik na parte ng mundo at magnilay-nilay? Ukitin ko kaya pangalan ko sa puno? Tumungga kaya ako ng isang bote ng Absolut? O bumili ng tuta? Maglakas-loob na suminghot ng kili-kili ng bumbay?

Basta kung may dapat man akong isagawa ngayong first week pa lang ng 2009, yan ay ang mag-exercise. Oo, mostly for vanity purposes, pero malaking parte rin nun ay ang health ko. Malay natin, ma-excite si God na makasama ako ulit diba? Mabuti na rin yung makita niya na interesado pa ko mabuhay ng mas matagal pa. Baka naman kasi sabihin niya balewala lang. Pero shempre parte talaga yung gusto ko ulit magkasya sa favorite izzzkeeeneee jeans ko sans bumubulwak na muffin top. o diba. yun lang naman Lord. At maibalik ko lang ang zest and vigor ko for life. nyah.

So hence, I declare that the dark days are finally over, at sana totoo nga ito at hindi lang spur of the moment kind of musings. Go go go!

FROM PEREZHILTON.COM

OME!

Tweenies all over are outraged over news of a Filipino version ofTwilight for television set to begin production soon.

Actors Rayver Cruz and Shaina Magdayao will be portraying Edward and Isabella, respectively, in the ABS-CBN production which will treat the vampire love story as "drama, romance, and fantasy."

It will be directed by Cathy Garcia Molina and is scheduled to begin filming sometime in February, in both the Philippines and abroad.

The news comes as an upheaval to Twilighters across the internet, who have started an online petition to halt production on Takipsilimbecause it will "ruin the real Twilight."

Oh don't worry, the American money-grubbing sequel is already working on that!



SERIOUSLY?! ANO BA!! So si Rayver, magiging "Danag"? Kung may pagkakataon man para gamitin ang expression na "todo na 'to", eto na siguro yun.

I am seriously hoping that this will not happen. Ano ba naman. Whoever pitched this idea, I'm sure you're brilliant and respected (so my apologies) pero namaaaaaaaan. Gawa na lang ng bago pls?

eto ang ilan sa mga comments ng mga ibang tao:
"that's just HIGHlarious! fucking third-rate rip-off!"
"I guess they have the right to make their own version, but he is not sexy looking at all…"
"ARE YOU FCUKING KIDDING ME????? Did the filiponos remake Titanic or Star Wars or any other of our "great"movies??? NOPE but they sure want to remake Twilight cus it will bring in the big bucks. I hope Summit & Stephenie Meyers SUE THE SH*T out of these people for ripping off Twilight.
As a Twihard or Twilighter I'm wicked pissed they are dissing us like this"

pero gusto ko patayin tong inutil na nag-comment na to:
"um…why can't they just replace the english voice with filipino voice if people don't understand english there??!!! there's no need to make another new movie. It would suck big time!!"

eto wacky:
"Don't question the magic in the Philippines-they did find a new lead singer for Journey there."

these ones i SORTA agree with:
"Whites do it all the time to Asians–copy their movies and ruin them, so it's good to see Asians doing the same for once, rather than accepting the white version. If it's not good enough to sell an Asian movie in the white west, then it's equally not good enough to sell white faces in the east. Love it!"

"you are all RACISTS!!!
god forbid that another country remakes this sorry excuse for a movie or replaces your crackhead of a heartthrob with an actor that is of another race, other than white.
wow, maybe you should be educating yourself on other cultures rather than wasting your money to watch twilight for the seventh time."

MY POINT IS, OK LANG NAMAN NA (O SIGE DI KO NA SASABIHIN NA RIP OFF) MAGPATTERN TAYO O MAGFRANCHISE O "KUMUHA NG INSPIRASYON" MULA SA FOREIGN MOVIES OR SHOWS. WE DO IT ALL THE TIME. TAMA NGA YUNG COMMENTS NG IBA NA SO WHAT, EH YUNG AMERICANS THEY RIP OFF JAPANESE SHOWS ALL THE TIME, YUNG MOVIES NA THE RING AT THE GRUDGE. KERI LANG NAMAN TALAGA KASI MAS MAA-ADAPT MO YUNG STORY IN SUCH A WAY NA MAS MALAPIT SIYA SA KULTURA NATIN, LANGUAGE, ETC.

KAYA NGA LANG, SERYOSO? TWILIGHT? WALA NAMANG MASAMA MANGGAYA, PERO EYNGHGGGHHH??

shempre nagmamaasim lang ako dahil gusto ko yung libro. pero hwell since nat so naman yung movie...

SANA MA-PULL OFF. AT HINDI RIP OFF. GOODLUCK SHAINA AT RAYVER! :)

NAKAKA-PIMPLES AT WRINKLES KA.

Kasalanan ko rin naman to eh. Matagal ko naman nang alam na may family trip engrande kami sa second week of january. Mga lampas isang buwan na rin mula nang bilhin ng kapatid ko yung mga tickets namin. Pero dahil isa akong dakilang inutil, procrastinator, at masyadong kalmante, hindi ko pa agad inasikaso yang passport na yan.

Ngayon, kung kailan napakalapit na ng crunch time, chaka ko lang maaalala. eto ang dilemma:

1) bukas pa lang ako pupunta dun to submit my documents, etc.
2) dapat may personal appearance achuchuchu na hindi ako nakakasigurong maise-schedule nila ko tomorrow din or even sa 23rd.
3) kapag nangyari yun, pag balik ng DFA from holiday break pa ako pwede (so Jan.5)
4) Kapag nangyari pa yun, mamumroblema na ko nang bonggang bongga as in maje-jebs ako every 15 minutes ng pawis dahil baka hindi umabot yung passport ko in time for our vacation.

this is me at my worst friends. watch me disintegrate under pressure.